The Peanut Chronicles

Saturday, May 27, 2006

pure genius

I know all parents think that their first-born children are intelligent. They hope and dream for better lives for their kids then had. They muse over whether or not their child will be a doctor… lawyer… the next president. They love their child to death.

Bear and I were determined to let Nut decide for himself what he wants to be when he grows up. Despite the subtle hints from evil grandparents with all the flying and space clothing and toys, we have decided to let Nut just be a kid. That was the deal… until last week when everything changed with one simple word: “Hi!”

Bear was changing Nut, late in the evening last week and he was talking to him as he always does. “Oh Mr. Nut nut, you are so funny… what’s that you say? You want a sister? We should tell mommy that when she wakes up”

Yeah, I rolled my eyes, seeing as I wasn’t asleep yet.

“What’s that Nut? You love dad? Of course you do. Where is that smile that I love so much? There it is! Hello Nut!”

“Hi.”

My eyes burst open. Bear has stopped mid-diaper change. Even in the eerie night-light we use in our room at night with diaper changes as not to wake the sleeping spouse, I can see him looking quizzically at Nut.

It has to be a total fluke. It written on Bear’s face.

“Hello Nut.” Bear says again.

“HI!”

I SIT STRAIGHT UP IN BED.

“Did he….?

“I think so. It has to be a fluke. He’s to young isn’t he?”

“hi hi hi!!!”

ohmigod… my 11 week old is talking. I jumped out of bed and ran over to Peanut. Looking at me he grins his gummy grin, claps his hands once and then screeches his hands over his head in his superman pose.

“Hi Peanut. Say hi to mommy” I gush.

“Hi.”

Still skeptical, bear and I have ignored the fact that Nut has said his first word so early. It seems not possible. Then this week the vocabulary continued.

While screaming and crying earlier, an enviable word came out… “dada”. I look at Nut in my arms. He is flailing around but one arm keeps his hand to his forehead. More screaming and “dada”. I look at the hand at his forehead. Could this duel immersion language thing I have been doing actually be taking hold. I hand the Nut over to Bear he quiets instantly.

Last night, after our date, we come home to a crying nut. In the hysterical sobs, you guessed it, “Mama”. This was also with his hand against his chin.

The significance of the hands? Hand to the forehead is sign language for dad and hand to the chin, more or else, is the sign for mom.

My son is a genius.

Oh yes, an absolute genius.

Friday, May 26, 2006

ego and leaving town

Today is the day that I look for job. I was going to go to MY's graduation but I have a bunch of things to do. He was over here last night and we were talking about the party I took him to. He couldn't believe that everyone was so interested in him. He assumed it was just that one girl that he was talking to. Hehehehe... I think I will have to forward him literally the 5 emails that I got about him. Help his ego a little bit. Ego or self esteem? They can be one in the same. He cracks me up over how oblivious he can be sometimes.

SO I am starting my plans. I am going to have to get a shit job for a year for the stipend and then, in August of 2007, I am moving out of the country. My Phd program is in Europe. Nut and I will have a lot of fun there. Bear can either come here or stay because at this point, I don't care.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Oh yes

My book is being mentioned at a national conference on sexual assault AND sold there as well.

I guess good came from it all after all.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Tell me something I don't know

Today I went to Kaiser to see what the hell has been causing the vertigo I have been experiencing. Mostly, I got a hearing test. Wow…. A hearing test on a deaf girl. Hmmm… can tell you where this is going already.

I walked into a small room and was equipped with a standard hearing test (plugs in both ears that are attached to a machine and then this brain bone measurer. I looked like an alien might have been probing my head.)

The nurse asked me if I had any experience with hearing loss. HHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…. I work with the deaf every day. I have been losing my hearing since I was 18. I know a little about hearing loss.

So the test goes exactly as I expect t to go and the results are exactly what I know they will be: severe loss in right ear, mild loss in left ear. Go figure.

They don’t want to give me hearing aides, not yet. “Maybe in six months or so”. Grrr… CEO gave me all sorts of advice and sympathy. I don’t really want sympathy. This is nothing new. I don’t know why she is acting like it is.

Bonus point for Kaiser: doctor J called me with the results 25 minutes after the test. Wow!!

Monday, May 22, 2006

Terrified

My terrifying heart pounding experience that altered my world just little bit took place this morning. The day started out simple enough. The alarm went off at 615 and the bear and I took turns smacking the snooze alarm over and over. Yes, I do have a two-hour commute to metropolis to go to work. Yes, it is a nightmare on Mondays. But it didn’t matter. It was a little time for Bear and I to be happy and snuggly. Nut was quiet. That is all that mattered.

Eventually, at about 640, I heaved my ass out of bed and began to get ready for work. First in the agenda, as always, was to check on Nut. Bear had put him to sleep in the living room in his rocking chair at around 5am. We hadn’t heard a peep since then. I walked down the hall and my heart skipped a beat.

Even without my glasses I could clearly see that the rocker was swinging. I could see that the batteries were working fine. HOWEVER…. THE ROCKER WAS EMPTY. NO NUT IN SIGHT!!! My heart stopped as I noticed the bundle of blankets that was on the floor next to the rocker. It was Nut’s giraffe and airplane blackest that he loves sleeping in.

The world seems to slow down when you think that our baby has been hurt. I felt like I was watching my self run to the swing in slow motion even thought I knew I as running at break neck speed down the hall, screaming at Bear, “He fell out!! He fell out!!” In the five seconds it took me to get to the rocker and the place where his blankets were, nightmare scenarios flew through my head with the greatest of ease. The baby is not crying. The baby died. The fall broke his neck. My Nut is gone and so is my life.

Skidding to a halt on my knees in front of the blankets, I grabbed them up quickly to assess the damage. What I saw made my heart really stop and my stomach churn.

Nut was not in the blankets. HE WAS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND.

Immediately I start screaming, “He’s gone he’s gone!!! Bear Nut is gone!!” and thrashing around, as if throwing all the toys and blankets around the living room would help me find my two and a half month old son. All the statistics of missing children went screaming through my head. I was looking for the phone to call 911. After all, MY SON WAS MISSING!! The world must stop and pay heed to that detail!

Bear, at this point, has begun to run down the hall towards me. Panicked and white in the face he is screaming, what do you mean he is gone??!”

“He’s not here!! Someone took him!!”

it’s at this moment Fly Girl, nanny extraordinaire, comes screaming out of the office quickly with the Nut asleep in her arms.

"I am so sorry! I go there early and he was fussing so I picked him up and fed him. I had head phones on in the other room and I didn’t hear you!!”

Bear makes a quick U-turn back to the bedroom because he and I were both nude. I didn’t care. I ran over to Nut, naked as the day I was born, having no shame, and double-checked that he was really there and not some sort of dream. He was snoring softly in FG’s arms, a dazed look on his face and a slight smile.

I can’t imagine what would have happened if I had woken up ad someone had really gotten into my house and taken the one thing that was more precious to me then anything else in the world. Take the jewelry, take the lock box and safe, take the computers and anything else. Just as long as my son is safe, then I am ok with every thing else. Nut cannot be replaced.

Now I am at work and the adrenaline is wearing off. I can think clearly again. I am no longer blinded with panic. They don’t tell you this when you become a mother. They don’t give you a clue how to handle one of those scary moments.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Master's of social work

one application fee to university.....$55
four semesters of tuition.....$14840
four semesters of text books.....$1200
miscellaneous supplies.....$100
daily caffeinated beverage.....$1000
unpaid internships.....$0
Cremation for dearly departed 23 year old cat.... $300
Having baby in the middle of last semester..... $800
Publishing and binding of thesis.....$120
Commuting on trains and buses....$500
Bridge tolls.....$200
Gasoline..... $1000

Knowing that you are truly making a difference in the world.... priceless

there are some things money can't buy. for everything else, there is
a master's of social work.:)

yep. I did it!!

mission complete.

MSW awarded at 215 today

Friday, May 19, 2006

not the person you thought

I find it really funny whenyou open your eyes finally and realize that someone that you know has been the one holding your head under the water line, drowning you, all along!! And when you finally realize this, how do you react to it? Espcially when they are involved and interwined with your son's life? I am super pissed. SUPER PISSED!!!

just breathe

Graduation is tomorrow. The next program begins in September but I am not sure if I am going to do it or not yet. Haven’t even mentioned it to anyone. Huh, guess I did now.

Honestly, I am not really in the mood to go to graduation. The only reason I am going is because Mariposa is driving all the way here to see me graduate. Now that is a friend, especially with the sky rocketing gas prices (it’s almost 4 bucks a gallon where she is and she is wiling to come all the way here in her gas-guzzler for me??? That’s a friend all right.

I guess there is something to be said about getting hooded at the ceremony. It’s ironic; I was at my elementary school today so I could give one of my mom’s friends a thank you card for letting me observe her class last November. I needed it to graduate. Anyway, I brought Nut, who Mrs. Y was thrilled to meet. Mrs. Y gave me a compliment, “you and your brother were always so smart. I never had any doubts that you two would be very successful.”

Wow. And still I have a hard time believing that I am smart. Now I have my masters so maybe I am. I know that I have been told that I am “street smart” for lack of a better term but I never thought that I was “smart” like Mrs. Y implied. Interesting. I think I am going to have to start believing what people say without waiting for the back handed swipe.

Mrs. Y loved Nut. LOOOOOOOVED him. She wanted to know what the Bro thought of him and was impressed that I told her he was living in Sydney right now. She also said it was a true shame that mom isn’t around to see this because she was sure that my mom would have adored being a grandmother. First time it actually hit home that it’s true. My mom would have LOVED being a grandmother. It’s the first time I thought about it.

Nut slept for most of the trip. He flashed his big blues only once and really briefly for Mrs. Y.

I think I should nap while I can. More about life and what’s been going on later.

Monday, May 15, 2006

2:52 pm

What were you doing today at 2:52pm?

I was officially graduating.

Thesis in.

I'm done.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

one signature away

even with all the shit with L, my reader, I am happy to say that on Monday I pick up her signature and then I am done. I don't want to say that too loud because I am sure I can jinx it.

went to a nightclub last night the Bear's student opened. it was really nice. had sex in the bathroom. tee hee. it's amazing what 4 martini's will do to you, espically if they were free!(probably didn't help that I hadn't eaten in four days either. opps.) hence, good to know the owners of the club.

it was nice, it had huge screens to watch ball games on and a dance floor and a hot bar. I had fun.

tonight is the graduation party in the big city. it should be a blast.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

quote of the day

"you look as peaceful as a hindu cow" -Piggy

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

two down....

two presentations to go. two more days, one evil reader (uhhh... second reader signed off, not the first.), incrediable amounts of stress, one asshole husband, one sick peanut (fever and everything), and one job interview.

yep, grad school crunch time.

Monday, May 08, 2006

quote for the week

"But the same rule always applies: Smile pretty.... and watch your back."

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Quote for the day

"If you stare long enough into the abyss, the abyss stares back into you."

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Shit hits the fan

Hello,

my life went nuts today. that's all I have time to say. I think the only way I can sum things up is the song "how to save a life."

it's been a long day and I have too much on my plate for this kind of blow up.

I will return to a sane being (relativly sane that is) after next week and the thesis (and school!) is over.

peace out