The Peanut Chronicles

Thursday, February 23, 2006

The bear got a job offer flying some serious metro liners on a charter deal. It’s an offer that he can’t refuse, giving him the turbo prop time that he would need to move on to bigger and better things rather then just teaching. He wants it so bad he can taste it. I can see it in his eyes too. So what is the problem?

How does a month of training in TEXAS sound? That’s right, A MONTH.

And the sad thing is, even though he denies it vehemently, I can see it in his eyes that the Nut and me are just holding him back from his dreams. He says being a dad is a bigger deal. But I watch him at night when he thinks that I can’t see. He is disappointed. All I do is hold him back.

So do I give up and let him go for the month and try to do Nut by myself? Or do I nix the whole idea? But when will this offer come up again? (Not likely anytime soon.) And Bear isn’t getting any younger and I know where he wanted to be by the time he was 30 and where I wanted to be at 30. They don’t line up. Who am I to tell him to go fuck his dream? Oh yeah, I am the one who moved to the area I hated, married into a family I hate, worked dead end jobs, and then this came about.

The thing is, it's not like we haven't danced this dance before. we got married in March and then at the end of the month I went back to my apartment up north and finished school without him there for 6 weeks. then he came up for graduation and we moved down to the fucking bay area. so it's not like I haven't done that shit before. but now there is a Nut.

The other night I asked bear if he was excited about the nut. He said he was. I asked if he thought this was all bad timing? He said, and I quote, “I told you we should have waited until you were done with graduate school.” And rolled over and went to bed.

“I’ll wake up one night, in some big empty bed. And my hands will grope for the light and my hands will grope for my head. The world is my oyster, the road is my home and I know that I am better… I am better off alone.”

2 Comments:

First Year said...: I wish I could give you a huge hug!!!! Life is never ever convenient when we need it to be.

I hope you find some way to come to a solution that works for you both (or you three soon :)) at least in ome way.; 7:09 AM
Suburban Turmoil said...: I say let him go.

It will be hard, but a month really isn't that bad when you look at the grand scheme of a lifelong marriage.

If I were you, I would most definitely NOT want my husband to go away for a month right after the baby was born, but now, looking back, taking care of her during the early months actually was really easy. Just a lot of nursing and sleeping. Looking back, I would've regretted it if he had a job opportunity that was very important and I had kept him from doing it.

Whatever you decide will be best for you, though. :) Good luck.; 9:37 AM