The Peanut Chronicles

Sunday, April 16, 2006

McG and not being a pimped out mom

Peanut and I spent part of the morning today at the ghetto mall again. We came yesterday to do our walk because it was raining out. Today? Well, it’s raining and the hum of the mall puts him fast to sleep. I also did some shopping.

I am a bad mom. I can’t remember nursery rhymes, I discovered yesterday. The fact that I can remember them sent me into a spiral of self-doubt and insecurities. If I can’t remember these, how am I going to do everything else? Why does he scream all day for me but gets quiet when Bear gets here? How does Bear make it look so damned easy? Why am I annoyed with the littlest things?

So who do I call with all these questions? I have no mother to ask for advice so I do the next best thing: I call up McG. I honestly was just going to tell her how amazing I thought she was and how in awe I was that she has raised a normal kid, especially since she had him so young. Instead, I wind up pouring my heart out to her. All my hopes and fears and worries and everything! And she just listened and validated everything, including by telling me she had felt the same way many times over.

It’s weird; I don’t open up to people. I don’t know why. Maybe because I am so ready for them to throw something back at me. Hell, even my closest friends I don’t open up to all the way. Some things are just better left unsaid. But I have to say, it was refreshing just to vent to someone all my secret fears about motherhood.

Another thing about the ghetto mall… while Nut and I were sitting down drinking a coffee this couple walked by with my stroller. However, the father had clearly added a few things to “pimp out” the stroller. There were spinners and decals, almost making it like a racing car or like one of “the guy’s “cars. The couple was clearly arguing over it. It had been a gift. The mom didn’t like it.

In all honesty I don’t blame her. Bear keeps joking that he is going to pimp out our stroller, much to my distain. I told him I didn’t want it because he is never the one who takes Nut out and about, I am!! And I am sorry, but what the hell is he trying to prove by pimping out the stroller? He already bought the biggest one possible. He thinks its’ really cool… however he neglected to see if it would fit in aisles or elevators, or classrooms, or down hallways at the doc, or in offices… all he saw was a cool big SUV like stroller. Is he trying to compensate for something here?

What kills me is that I am the one who has to deal with this monstrosity of a stroller. He has used it once, to walk Nut around the block. I use it daily, in public, in school, at work, around the neighborhood, everywhere. I mention all this to Bear and he tells me that he has promised not to “pimp out” the stroller. WHEW!! It would be too embarrassing for me in general. I am glad that he saw my point of view on this.

I watched the pimped out stroller couple walk by. People watched them. A few laughed and pointed not bothering to keep down their voices of “look at that stroller!” When the man tried to explain that it was a gift from friends I found myself smiling that I know that our friends would never be that stupid. I felt bad for the girl. I know that she is the one who walks the baby. I can tell from the look in her eyes.

Happy Easter all, I have humorous stories of Nut and Church but he is asleep, hence it is time for a nap.