The Peanut Chronicles

Thursday, July 20, 2006

I guess I can't say anything right anymore

Explain to me why it is that I can’t pay people compliments?

Here is a prime example: out at dinner with Bear and friends and I am sitting close enough to MY to not have to watch his lips as he is talking. For once I can actually look at a person in the eyes as they speak. It’s a rare moment here and that’s when I notice, for the first time, that MY has very pretty eyes. I mean, we are talking dark and light brown, like chocolate being mixed together. I was dumbstruck that I never noticed before. Being friends with MY I said, “Wow. You have really pretty eyes” and just looked at them.

MY looked uncomfortable. You could see it in his face, the pondering of how to take the compliment. Finally he just said, “Thanks… I guess.”

“You guess?” I say, in utter disbelief, “hasn’t anyone ever told you that you have nice eyes because they are very pretty! Are we having self esteem issues?”

My, like myself, seems to never be able to take a compliment because we both have very little self-esteem.

“No.”

“Then what’s with the ‘I guess?’ crap”

“Well, your Bear’s wife! I’ve known bear since we were kids!”

“Well, you have known me for how long now?! I am complimenting you! It doesn’t mean I am hitting on you!!”

I have two irks here. The first being is that I have seemed to morph into this image of being Bear’s wife. NO longer am I myself, I am someone’s wife. Someone’s property. Shit, you might as well tattoo on my face “Property of Bear.” Maybe this is why I never wear my wedding ring. (That and it doesn’t fit). I forgot that I am a separate person. I am lost in this dumb ass image that I am a respectable trophy fucking wife.

Yes, I do the trophy wife bullshit for Bear’s career more oft then I care to admit. In fact, we are pulling that shit off tonight when we go and make an impression on his new batch of wealthy students. The problem is, I am no longer the person that I want to be. In fact, I can’t even pay friends compliments without them getting all weird.

The second thing, why is it that I can’t give someone a compliment without them going all wiggy on me? I AM NOT HITTING ON YOU!!! I DO NOT WANT TO GET INTO YOUR PANTS!!! IF YOU RECALL, I AM A FRIEND OF YOURS TOO!!

This goes for both males and females. If I compliment one of my female friends, saying for example, I love what you have done with your hair, it makes you look amazing (true compliment I gave the other day) why is it the guys I am with ask me if I am hitting on said person? I suppose it’s because there is always the porn fantasy of two women being together and having the boys watch. I think that they enjoy the fantasy.

But I digress…

I am just a little peeved in the fact that I can’t compliment someone without the feeling that they think I am hitting on them or something. Shit people, it’s a fucking compliment!!!

Oh yeah, got a job to supplement income. Has absolutely nothing to do with my profession and I don’t intend to tell the Bear about it. Don’t worry, it’s not illegal.