The Peanut Chronicles

Saturday, September 23, 2006

If you build it, he will come...

“In my sick way I want to thank you
For holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself
you were trying to stop the fight.
You never doubted my warped opinions
on things like suicidal hate.
You made me compliment myself
when it was way too hard to take.”

I think about you every day. I wonder what I could have done better. I wonder if I make you proud. I imagine a coffee date with you. I wonder what you would say to me. I wonder if you would live near me. I wish I could tell you thank you for all those times that you helped me and never expected anything in return. I wish I could tell you I was sorry for all the times I fucked up. I wonder if you are still with me in all our crazy escapades. I wonder how you would react to Nut.

But most of all, I just miss you. I miss your laughter. I miss your smile. I miss your jokes. I miss your patience. I miss your stories. I miss your love. I miss your voice. I miss our understanding of each other. I miss hangin out with you and talking about nothing and everything all at once. I m iss your advice on things I was too blind to see. I miss your spirit. I wonder if we will ever see each other again.

I miss the fact that you were my kindred sprit.
My partner in crime.
My best friend.

I wish you were here.

But the past cannot be undone and I can't turn back the clock. I feel like I never got to say goodbye.

Happy birthday grandpa.
I love you.