The Peanut Chronicles

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

6-6-06

This morning I was running late for work. Hopping around the house, searching for the other stiletto, contacts acting funny, toothbrush in mouth, and baby on hip… I made a typical site of what a working mother in the fricking business world looks like these days. In between giving Nut a bottle, finding my wallet, packing up my laptop and making sure that my palm pilot schedule is synchronized with Bears, I managed to grab a granola bar to eat while commuting to Metropolis.

However… it couldn’t be that easy…

Nut began screaming holy hell in my ear. He obviously was not a happy camper. He was more then not a happy camper. Something was WRONG.

I waked the Nut over to the changing table. Sure enough, Nut had decided to have a dirty diaper. Not just a dirty, “look I pooped!” diaper. We are talking the mother load of shit. Green and stuck like glued to his bum and legs. I sigh. I pick up the baby wipe to clean him off only to find him pissing on himself. His own private shower of piss. Greaaaaat.

Of course this makes him screech more. I wipe off his face with the baby wipe and he calms down and smiles at me. With a smile like that I get distracted and not notice how Nut has now kicked his own ass with his feet. Yes, that’s right… Nut’s feet are now covered in smelly, dark green, sludge like shit.

Oh, to be a mom.

Eventually, I get him cleaned up. It only took four or five baby wipes. Diapered and feeling good, I put Nut into his Monkey footed PJ’s that now fit, since he is now three months and 14 pounds. Oh yes, he laughed and clapped his hands. My little man was one gracious and happy camper. Clean diaper, clean PJ’s, full belly… once again he was mommy’s little flirtatious angel. Again, I put him on my hip and begin my running around.

With Nut as my guardian angel, things fell into place quickly. I found the other stiletto (next to the front door where I kicked them off a few days ago), the contacts aligned in my eyes so focus came into play, my laptop and cell phone were packed and the palm synchronized… everything was great because my cuddly and cooing angel was with me.

As I went to hand the Nut off to the Bear (who was sleeping in) I kissed Nut’s nose.

“You are such an angel for making things go better this morning. What would I do without you?”

Nut giggled, smiled…. And the projectile vomited all over my Armani Suit. When he was done I looked at him and half expected his head to rotate 360 degrees around. Such an angelic smile, such a devilish attitude.

Maybe I should have named him Damien.