The Peanut Chronicles

Six months ago…

Six months ago at this time I was having emergency surgery. It was interesting, from what I remember, which in all honesty isn’t much. There are only snapshots in my head. The smell of the operating room. The look of Bear all worried. Moe using my phone to call my siblings to tell them that I loved them. The guy holding me down while I was shaking. I was shaking so hard that I was rattling the board I was strapped too. The silence. then the crying. The laying on my back forever. Not being able to feel my whole body. Bear holding my hand and crying. Those are the flashes I remember.

There are the things that people have filled me in on. The one where I was praying in the operating room. the uncontrolabled bleeding. the possiblity of dying right there. The time in recovery getting really stoned on morphine. Talking to my father and Moe about the father’s new job. My new found fascination and child like wonder of seeing my toes and wiggling them (“my toes! Hello boys!”). The droning on of the machines monitoring my heartbeat and my blood pressure. The jabbering of the nurses.

The first night I don’t remember that well. I remember staring, fascinated as though on LSD, at the slow drip of the IV. I remember the sweating and heat as I spiked a fever and infection from surgery, moaning when they told me they had been giving me morphine, the invisible bugs crawling on me because of said drug, The nurse waking me from my sleep to have me walk the halls at 4am, the dizzy spell and collapsing after ten steps, Bear beginning to pray as he silently cried.

The roses in the room from Bear.

And then, the next morning…

I held my Peanut for the first time.

Six months later, I can’t imagine my life without him.

Happy half-year birthday my Little Nut.

6 Comments:

Lisa said...: Wow. What a scarey experience! Eeek. So glad you are ok.; 8:16 PM
carrie said...: It is strange how soon we forget the sometimes traumatic ways in which our children are brought into the world, but know this: you are not alone.

And all it takes to forget, I hope, is looking in your beautiful sons eyes. It is all worth it. All the pain, the drugs, the confusion and the fear that accompany a traumatic birth. I've been there too, and it's scary as hell.

Hug.

Carrie; 4:07 PM
Monkey Man Miles said...: Whoa that was heavy. Glad that you made it thru! These are the memories that keep us grounded ya know. You and nut are luck to have each other!; 6:57 PM
Nut's mom said...: I have been told to have no more kids so Nutter is quite the miricle baby. :) Not to mention they said we wouldn't be able to conceive and 20 some odd days later I was preggers.; 10:32 PM
Mamacita Tina said...: All those scary memories fade once you have that oh-so-precious baby! I had an emergency C-Section with my little guy, know what you mean.; 4:35 PM
Lindsay said...: I just found your blog through another one I was reading...and came across this post.. I think your little one is almost he exact same age as mine! my son turned 6 months on the 1st.. he was born March 1.....I had a horribly tragic emergency c-section and while reading this post I got chills and flash backs... COme visit me sometime, My son has his own site http://mrtsmomma.blogspot.com/

Nice blog! I really enjoy your writing!; 7:15 PM

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