The Peanut Chronicles

Tell me I didn’t just see what I think I saw. Please, for the love of god, say it ain’t so.

Bear and I were watching TV last night. I can’t even remember what we were watching, I just knew that we were caught up on the Tivo and so could not fast forward through the commercials. We sat there, watching the latest ads for McDonald’s (my, my… how we are trying so hard to clean up our ugly image after “Super Size Me” aren’t we?), iTunes and iPods, and other things we didn’t really need.

Then it comes on: two men, both buying groceries at the check out line. The one checking out is loading onto the conveyer belt healthy food. You know what it looks like: mostly veggies and fruit and a while brick of tofu. The guy behind him is kind of chuckling and loading onto the belt every type of red meat imaginable. Clearly the image being made is that the healthy guy is a pussy. Healthy guy isn’t too happy as he sees what meat guy is putting on the belt. He feels whipped. His eyes wander to… an advertisement on the magazine rack for a car.

Healthy guy quickly jumps in his car, drives to the nearest HUMMER shop, and quickly buys himself a hummer. As he is driving home in his new car, he takes a bit out of carrot or something.

The catch phrase to this commercial appears on the screen around him:

“RESTORE THE BALANCE.”

Oh.my.god.

You are shitting me, right?

“Restore the balance”?

I pause the Tivo and look at Bear. His mouth is gaping open and he has a puzzled look on his face. After a few seconds he says, “Does the Hummer Company realize that they just made the stupidest ‘I have a small penis and need to compensate’ commercial ever?!”

I start to laugh at that point. My thought was something along, “ok, you are eating better to prolong your life but destroying the environment that you live in.” I honestly wonder how long this commercial will last. I mean, when will advertising executives actually think about what they are doing? (if you want to see the commercial, go to the hummer website. I refuse to link it.)

I have had the experience of riding in a hummer only once. Unfortunately it was rather recently. Able Johnson came with Nut, Bear and I to metropolis for dinner after Bear and Able had a business meeting. We took his family’s hummer. The thing was gargantuan. I was literally pushed into it, as I am very little (barely over 5 feet) and the car was a monster to me.

I don’t understand the appeal of the car. It doesn’t get good gas mileage, you need a camera system to back up with the car, and it is not designed for the streets of America, it’s designed for the fucking military! So, I don’t understand why men go ape shit over such a car? After all, when driving down the street and seeing one, doesn’t EVERYONE think, “wow, what is he compensating for?”

What astounds me is after I see this commercial, I find that the evil clutches of the Hummer Automobile are beginning to infiltrate other areas and corrupt the youth of a nation.

Side bar: If McD’s really wants to clean up their image, is this that way to do it?

Ok, rant over. I am going to go eat my vegan meal, wearing my hemp clothes and then drive my prius to my tree to sit in. Long live the hippies!!

3 Comments:

Cristina said...: Great post! I haven't seen that commercial but it sounds horrible! (Can't wait to see it. he he)

I saw Queen of Spain's post on McDonald's newest gimmick. I really can't believe it...I mean, McDonald's has sunk to lows before, but partnering with Hummer? WTF are they thinking?

Oh, yeah, I forgot. McDonalds' execs have no souls.; 10:26 PM
SUEB0B said...: Check the book:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0826411843/sr=8-1/qid=1155614485/ref=pd_bbs_1/103-4426243-0655838?ie=UTF8; 9:07 PM
Suzanne said...: Hee hee. I had the same reaction to that vile hummer commercial as you did. Hummers are evil. Especially in NYC, where there is not enough parking for Prius drivers because Hummers take up about 9 spots, partly because their drivers have no idea how to parallel park. Assholes...; 5:48 PM

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