The Peanut Chronicles

I am annoyed. My current morning routine is to play with Nut until about 10 am and then put him down in his stroller and walk a few blocks down the street to Pete’s coffee spot and get a cup of coffee. This is the time when Nut falls asleep and I write in my dairy, listen to my iPod and generally relax in the big frumpy green chair at the back of the place. Nut sleeps and this hour is my “mommy time”. Well, the inner sanctum of my mommy time has just been violated.

When I was pregnant, people used to try to rub my belly. It was weird and uncomfortable. My friends, god bless ‘em, would ask if they could touch the belly or I would offer because you could always see in their eyes that they wanted to pet it (yeah, that’s right Moe. I’m talking to you!!) It’s fine, since my friends understand what personal space is. They also know that I am not really the “touchy feely” kind of person. If you get a hug from me you are damn lucky. It means that I trust you.

I always found it sort of violating when strangers would pat my belly as if I were their pet or something. Most of the time I smiled politely. Most of the time. It was a forced smile and gritted teeth of “get your fucking hands off my bitch!” kind of smile. I thought for sure as soon as Nut was born the gross intrusions of my personal space would stop. After all, I was no longer a cute preggers lady; I was just a fat one now with a new baby.

Here I sit with Nut, doing our morning routine, writing in the diary. Nut seems to be a magnet to just about anything. Kids, tween and teen girls, moms and grandma especially want to see the baby. I have no problem letting them look. Today, however, while sitting here, and older (sixty maybe?) woman approached.

“Oh, how precious!”

I smile and pop the iPod off my good ear so I can hear her a bit better; she looks at Nut leaning over the stroller. Then she turns to me and starts asking questions. Its not the fact that she is asking me questions that bothers me. It’s the fact that she is about 14 inches from my face that bothers me.

I lip read. You wouldn’t notice unless you knew ahead of time. This lady was so close to my face that it would have been very rude to look at her anywhere but in the eyes. I tried my best to lean my head back because 1) I could not see her lips and 2) she was totally in my space and freaking me out! I needed to give myself some breathing space, for lack of a better term. She just leaned further towards my face. For a second I thought maybe she was drunk. She certainty was acting that way. I take a big sniff of her breath as she prattles on about how cute Irish babies are. Nope. It’s clean. Maybe she was going to make her coffee Irish coffee.

We talk about Irish roots and make polite chit chat. She’s Irish (“100% and loving it!”) and loves babies who have the Irish Coloring. Then she does it. She reaches out and PETS.MY.HAIR. holding some up in the light.

WHAT.THE.FUCK?!?!

I understand that red hair is rare and I get that people love my long red hair. In fact, as much as I bitch about it, I get several compliments on it and it probably is my best feature. (Personally, I like my eyes better. They are really nice but who am I sot say?)

I am sure the expression on my face was priceless as, once again, I gritted my teeth and smiled. What is it about long hair and preggers people that people just have to violate the inner personal space? You don’t see me going up to her and saying “what beautiful split end, frayed like wig you have on!” and pet her do you?

People who try to pet preggers bellies and long hair, think twice before reaching out that arm. Ask permission because I think it’s perfectly justifiable to rip off your arm if you even try to touch me again.

3 Comments:

Mamacita Tina said...: Where I use to work, there were mostly Hispanic women. During my pregnancy, they always came up and rubbed my belly and talked forever about babies and labor. This included women I didn't really know. Cultural? Eventually I got use to it and expected it.; 8:40 PM
First Year said...: I was under the impression adults didn't touch others unless they were given permission or knew the person quite closely?

Hmm... thanks for the heads up on the rule change creepy old lady :); 4:06 PM
Suzanne said...: Wow, that is unfortunate. People completely annoy me. At least she did not wake the baby up and then touch him. It's sad when that is what suffices for calming advice.; 5:45 PM

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